pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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