she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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