Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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