you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
