So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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