I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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