Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
