the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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