Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize