A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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