the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
