Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
