I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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