Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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