what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
