New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
