I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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