i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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