Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
