How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
