Just fell off a train. Bad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
