What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
