I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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