Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
