sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
