her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
