you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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