First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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