did you get engaged???
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
