So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
