I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
