Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
