Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
