I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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