JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I want a musical about memes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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