Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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