So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
