And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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