we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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