I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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