Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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