Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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