i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
