you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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