The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
