I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
