WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
