I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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