can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
