I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
