She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
