Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
