According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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