I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
