Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
