Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
