I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
