i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
