I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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