Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
