she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
