where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
