woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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