listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize