Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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