it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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