I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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