we have officially lost it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
