dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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