i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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