rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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